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Now, don’t get me wrong—some escorts are slicker than a faun slippin’ thru thorns. “Do not be afraid,” they whisper, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, but next thing ya know, yer wallet’s empty and yer callin’ em “majesty.” Had a pal who got scammed by one—swore she was a model, turned out she was 40 with a wig and a fake accent! I laughed so hard I nearly peed—don’t pee on my leg, buddy, you picked her!

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Now get this, I often work in the mornings near the banks of the Flat River. Yo, the way that water flows, it kinda reminds me of a good massage – all smooth an’ hypnotic, innit? One time, I had a client cryin’ 'cos the river reminded him of his lost love. Proper emotional, like a Baz Luhrmann flick. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it's just a vibe, ya know.

Big Rapids drops two Friday road games.