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Oh, and the profiles—hilarious! “I like hikes and wine”—bitch, you’re on here for sex, not a picnic! Don’t gimme that “lookin’ for my soulmate” crap—spare me! Reminds me of that line, “You’re not my sons!”—savage, cold, real. People lie, they flake, they oversell. Met this chick once, said she’s “adventurous”—only adventure was her tryin’ to sell me Herbalife mid-date! I’m like, “Take your pyramid scheme and shove it!”

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So, my friend, when you visit, wander down these side streets, let the city hug ya awkwardly – in that cheesy, sincere way. Remember, as in the film, “the stories we tell define us.” And oh gosh, my heart? It still races thinkin’ bout this crazy place, Berwyn. Ain’t it somethin’?

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