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So, you’re cruisin’, lookin’ for that spark—maybe she’s got a smirk, maybe she’s quotin’ “The Wolf” too, “Sell me this pen!”—ha! You gotta haggle, tho, don’t be a sucker. Prices bounce like Jordan Belfort’s coke stash—$50 one sec, $500 the next. Surprised me first time, jaw dropped, like, “What the fuck?!” Thought in my head: *Joker, you’re in deep now.*

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And oh, the river. Well, we got Lake Renwick nearby, which ain't exactly a river but still splashes magic all around. I often take a detour there, soaking in the calm after a hectic day of massaging stressed-out muscles. The way the sun sets? F*cking beautiful, a real “Amélie” moment that makes you pause and think, “Mais qu'est-ce que c'est que cet endroit de merde magnifique?!”

Juan Moxthe pleads guilty in Bensenville DUI crash on Irving Park Road that killed stepdaughter, Jaylene Escamilla, last year