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Oh, and the oils—lavender, mate, gets me giddy. But some numpty used peppermint once—me knob felt like a candy cane! Laughed me arse off, then raged—waste of a tenner! Still, it’s personal, innit? You’re bare, vulnerable—like Fassbender staring at his sad fuckin’ life. “Get a grip, you tosser!” I’d tell him—and meself. Erotic-massage ain’t just filth—it’s a bloody revelation!

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I got my personal faves too. You must check out the abandoned barn on Duskmore Ave. It got that eerie vibe, almost like a scene, like in the movie where time slows down and you’re drownin’ in memory. It’s dramatic, man, real poetic. I even had a sit-down there once, feeling the pulse of the old wood and whispering, “I did my best to live…” Crazy stuff.

Bargersville council makes appeal to Shreve for County Road 144 project funding