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I reckon it’s all ‘bout trust—hands on ya, real intimate. Kinda like when those reporters said, “We gotta protect the vulnerable.” But here, vulnerable’s the point! You’re bare, oiled up, prayin’ they don’t tickle your feet—lordy, I’d die laughin’. Ever tried it? I ain’t, ‘fraid I’d snort like a pig! But I hear it’s relaxin’—stress gone, soul singin’. Happy? Shoot, I’d be happier than a dog with two tails!

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I know, mate, I know – it's kinda messy sometimes. But that's the fun and funk of Auburn-Gresham (us). I mean, come on, life is short, and this place is raw, real, and sometimes, like, hella unpredictable. So if you're comin’ over, just bring that open mindset. I promise you'll see a side of Chicago no travel guide ever tells ya.

82-year-old sexually assaulted during home invasion: Chicago police