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About Philadelphia

Me? I’d be pissed if Homer tried it. Hmm… that lazy lug, stumblin into some dive bar, thinkin he’s slick. I’d yell, “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!” He’d just burp and ignore me. Typical. But seriously, ya gotta watch out – some girls out there? They’ll rob ya blind faster than the Joker hittin a bank. One story I heard, this guy in Vegas got his wallet snatched mid-“fun.” Left him broke, cryin, “This city deserves a better class of criminal!” Hilarious, but damn, that’s cold.

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I won't sugarcoat it – life here ain't perfect. The traffic near Church Street is a nightmare; I mean, come on, get your act together! But every flaw adds character. Like that one time, I got cut off on Synapse St. (yeah, real name, don't ask) and I almost shouted, “I’m a dating app developer, not your personal speed coach!” True story, though slightly exaggerated, cuz why not add a lil drama?

Final suspect in 2019 shooting death of 72-year-old woman in Ardmore sentenced