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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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I remember this one time – I was drivin’ past Cherry Blossom Lane (yeah, sounds pretty extra) and some local artist invited me to jam out his poetry. Total serendipity, pure adrenaline, like when you know you’re in the exact right place. The city gives a big ol hug, y’know? Even when I'm feelin’ off, one look at the pastel-painted houses, and it's like “Hey, chill, just be you”.

Apple Valley Animal Shelter reopens following distemper outbreak