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So, I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these profiles – hot babes, dudes too, all lookin’ for action. D’oh! One time, read this story – guy met a chick, turns out she’s a pro wrestler, pinned him in bed! True story, swear it! Little known fact – sex-dating apps got secret codes. Eggplant emoji? Yeah, means what ya think, heh! Got me laughin’ hard, spillin’ my Duff beer!

Hundreds of previously undiscovered ancient oak trees found in English countryside

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Then, I get this call from Mrs. Jenkins. She lives on Oak Ave. You know, the lady with the 50 cats? Yeah, her. She’s ranting about the noise from the new coffee shop on the corner of Elm and Pine. “It’s too loud!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s coffee, not a rock concert.” But I get it, she’s got her cats to think about.

Why our hearts go out to Sherwood's ancient oak