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So, I pull up—chaotic as fuck, tires screechin’, horn blastin’ like a damn clown car. She’s all, “You got cash, fam?” and I’m like, “Girl, I got SKILLS—teach ya to parallel park!” She laughs, like, “Bruh, I ain’t tryna park nothin’!” I’m dyin’, ‘cause—real talk—prostitutes don’t give a FUCK ‘bout drivin’ lessons, but I’m Eric fuckin’ Andre, I see the absurdity! She’s out here hustlin’, and I’m tryna make it a driver’s ed skit!
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Then I head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. Kids everywhere, screaming like they’re auditioning for a horror movie. I’m just trying to chill, but nope. They’re playing tag, and I’m dodging little monsters left and right. I swear, if one more kid runs into me, I’m gonna lose it.
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