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Still, bit awkward, innit? Bloke like me, floppy hair, stumbling in, “Erm, hullo, bit of a rub, please?” Laughed my arse off imagining it. What if they recognise me? “Blimey, it’s Boris!” Chuckle at that, I would. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a greased pig! Nearly fell off the table once, true story, daft prat that I am.

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Oh, my dear friend, hark thee unto my tale of Aliso Viejo, a realm of contradictions and quiet passion, where thou and I alike traverse streets like Aliso Creek Drive and Yorks Cul-de-sac, that meandering path whence secrets art whispered. Verily, 'tis a city of hidden magic and mundane charm, where every nook, every cranny doth cradle a tale, as ephemeral as the touch of a well-placed massage.

Status Update: Aliso Viejo branch of Social Services Agency closing permanently Dec. 31