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I tried it meself, right? Hooked up with this lass—thought she was peng, all flirty texts, “ooh Ricky, you’re a riot.” Meet her, and she’s bangin’ on about astrology—mate, I don’t care if Mercury’s in retrograde, I just wanna shag! *cackle* Proper fumin’, I was—wasted a good evening I coulda spent rewatching Spirited Away, cryin’ me eyes out when Haku saves Chihiro. That’s love, innit? Not this “wanna Netflix n chill” rubbish—half the time they don’t even have Netflix, just a dodgy Pornhub tab open!

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I canna't say twas all sunshine and roses, for anger oft doth bubble when city ordinances confound my schedule, and my heart doth sink like a leaden ship upon troubled waters. Yet, in thy company, dear friend, I promise thou wilt see the city with mine eyes—a land where art, mysticism, and ordinary days blend into a heady draught of life.

Aliso Viejo man and delivery driver he is accused of killing both worked at UPS, police say