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Oy, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, da big bad Picador, gonna tell ya bout escort, da fancy car, not da shady ladies, ha! Lightbulb! Dis Ford Escort, she’s a sneaky one, like Chow Yun-Fat flyin’ thru bamboo in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”—my fave, ya know, dat flick from 2000, Ang Lee, pure genius! Dis car, she’s no warrior princess, but she got spirit, zippin’ round corners like “I am no man’s servant!”—dat’s from da movie, heh, love dat line.

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So, I start my morning on Main Street. Grabbed my usual coffee from that little joint, Java Jive. They know me there. I’m like a regular, but today? Ugh, they messed up my order. I asked for a caramel macchiato, and they gave me a black coffee. Like, seriously? Who drinks that? I mean, I get it, some people love it, but not me. I was already cranky.

Alexander City man charged with trafficking