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Now, *Brokeback* – “there’s no reins on this one” – that’s erotic-massage for ya! No rules, just slidin’ about, oil slick as a politician’s promise. I reckon Ennis and Jack could’ve used a good knead, loosen up that angst. Me, I’d be rubbish at givin’ it – sausage fingers, all thumbs, I’d probs elbow someone’s spine out! Got me thinkin’, though – what if I’d tried it on me ol’ mate Dave Cameron? “Oi, Dave, fancy a rubdown?” He’d have legged it faster than you can say *Eton mess*! Made me chuckle, that.

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After that, I had another session, this time with a couple. They were fighting like cats and dogs. I mean, I get it, relationships are tough, but c’mon! They were arguing about who left the lights on. I’m sitting there thinking, “Really? This is what we’re fighting about?” I had to step in and be the peacemaker. It was exhausting, but I love my job.

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