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But den, I get mad, ya? ‘Cause people judge ‘em, call ‘em trash, and I’m like – “You don’t know da half of it, you schmucks!” – like in da film, “Dis is what we do!” Whores, dey survive, dey hustle, tougher dan half da soldiers I know. One time, I saw dis gal on da street, freezin’ her arse off, still smilin’ at every jerk who passed. Dat hit me hard – happy, sad, all at once. She’s out dere, makin’ it work, while I’m sittin’ cozy wit’ me minions. Lightbulb! Maybe I’m da soft one, eh?

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I often blabber about these quirky moments, 'cause here in Whitchurch, even a lazy Sunday can flip ya upside down! Remember that time I got mad at a pigeon stealing my pretzel on Church Street? Ha, turns out, it was just nature's nudge to take life less seriously. And then – BAM! – the pigeon shan't be blamed!

Whitchurch school raises nearly £1000 at annual Colour Run