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So, I’m in dis grimy alley, yeah? Smells like old cabbage an’ regret. Dis chick pops up—red heels, fishnets, real classy, ya? I’m like, “Lightbulb! Dere she is!” She’s givin’ me da eye, an’ I’m all, “Vhat’s yer price, eh?” She says somethin’ wild—50 bucks fer 20 minutes! I’m HAPPY, like, “Dat’s a steal, ya!” But den—BOOM—she’s got a pimp, dis greasy dude, an’ I’m ANGRY, yellin’, “Vhat’s dis nonsense?!” He’s all, “Pay up, Ruskie!” an’ I’m thinkin’, “Dis ain’t in da script!”

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First off, I head down to the local café on Front Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I grab a cuppa and a bacon sarnie. Best bacon sarnie in town, no joke. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate Dave. He’s like, “Oi, we need to talk about the factory.” My heart sinks. Factory drama? Ugh, not today!

13:50 Pontefract