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Da air’s thick, smoky, like Satine’s dressing room, ya feel me? “Come what may,” I mutter, dodgin’ creepy dudes hawkin’ wares. Den, outta nowhere—Lightbulb!—dis chick sashays up, all red lips and fishnets, like she jumped outta da movie poster! I’m tinkin’, “Dis is it, Gru, ya sly dog!” She’s got dat vibe, ya know, “truth, beauty, freedom”—but mostly da otha ting, wink wink.

Six jailed for roles in Oldham prostitution operation

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By now, I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop my scissors. I’m snippin’ away, and he’s talkin’ about his art show on Yorkshire Street. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “This is Oldham, not London!”

'Hopefully we're the right people': Oldham pub reopens with new landlord