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Exaggeratin’ for effect? Once swiped a fitty, thought she’s peng, turns out she’s me cousin—awks! Nearly vommed, fam. Sex-datin’s a minefield, innit? “Love is blind,” Godard reckons—nah, mate, it’s just blurry pics! Still, I’s hooked—fast hookups, no strings, sorted. You tried it, bruv? Spill!

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But then, I see the owner of the arcade, old Mr. Thompson. He’s standin’ there, lookin’ devastated. I can’t help but feel for him. That place was his life. I mean, who doesn’t love a good game of Pac-Man, right?

Phone of missing teen found in leisure park