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Ever tried it? Sh*t’s intense, fam! Some dude in Thailand—true story—told me it’s ancient. Like, monks used it, no lie! Not the sexy kind, tho—relaxin’ joints, healin’ vibes. Then bam, folks twisted it up! Now it’s all “happy endin’” jokes. Mr. T ain’t mad—makes me laugh! Pity the fool who pays extra, tho! Them sketchy parlors? Man, they wild. Neon lights flashin’, shady vibes—*Dogville* style. “This town’s rotten,” Grace’d say—same deal!

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Lowestoft announces plans for VE Day 80 celebrations