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What surprised me? How normal it felt—like buyin’ chips! But then she goes, “No kissin’, just business,” and I’m happy—dodged a bullet there, her breath stank of fags and despair. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon she’d suck the life outta ya, like Scarlett’s alien lass! “The skin peels away”—that’s me, picturin’ her flakin’ off into the night, cacklin’ again.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up Missing: Linlithgow.

Then, outta nowhere, my boss, Mr. McGregor, storms in. He’s fuming. Apparently, some bigwig in Edinburgh pulled a fast one on us. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just stocks!” But he’s not having it. He’s pacing around like he’s got ants in his pants. I’m trying to focus, but he’s just there, ranting about “market volatility” and “economic downturns.” I’m thinking, “Can’t you just take a breather?”

West Lothian Council confirm case of avian flu at Linlithgow Loch