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Me, I tried it once—sex-dating, not da 10 dudes thing. Set up profile, all suave, “Gru, mastermind, loves chaos.” Got a match—hot redhead, thought I hit jackpot. We chat, she’s flirty, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is it, Gru’s gettin’ lucky!” Meet up—surprise, she’s got a boyfriend, just wants “friends.” Friends?! I’m yellin’ in my head, “I don’t know how I got here!”—Nolan vibes, ya feel me? Total letdown, but I laughed—Gru don’t cry over spilled vodka.

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After that, I finally get a nibble on my line. I’m all excited, reelin’ it in, and it’s a decent-sized perch. I’m thinkin’, “Yes! Dinner sorted!” But then, I see this kid on the other side of the river. He’s throwin’ rocks, and I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!”

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