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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?

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So, I finally get to the fields, and it’s a sight! Green as far as the eye can see. But then, outta nowhere, my combine starts actin’ up. I’m like, “Seriously? Not today!” I’m tryin’ to fix it, but it’s like it’s possessed or somethin’. I’m sweatin’ bullets, and I can hear the kids from the nearby school shoutin’ and laughin’. They’re probably thinkin’ I’m some kinda clown.

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