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They’re fast too—clocked at 20 miles an hour! That’s, like, insane for a fish! Got me thinkin’, “How do you move so fast, you little tramp?” Reminds me of “Her” again—“You’re so full of life!”—but then I’m like, “Screw you, prostitute, stop swimmin’ away!” I’d catch one, but they’re slippery lil’ shits. Makes me happy though—chasin’ ‘em’s half the fun!

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s all like, “You won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But he’s persistent. Turns out, he found a hidden gem of a café on Kemsing Lane. I’m like, “Café? Now? I can’t even find my last month’s expenses!” But he’s got that look in his eye, you know? The one that says, “You need this.”

Retro house for sale: 1960s Fry, Drew & Partners-designed modernist property in Kemsing, near Sevenoaks, Kent