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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there, freezing my butt off. I look around, and it’s like a scene from a bad movie. Everyone’s grumbling, and I’m just trying to keep my cool. I mean, it’s Horsforth, not a war zone.

Horsforth’s newest venue honours Hardy family history