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So, check it—this one time, I’m scrollin’ X, see this post: “Erotic-massage cured my sciatica.” I’m dyin’—what? You got a boner AND a fixed spine? Multitaskin’ at its finest. Prolly bullshit, but I respect the hustle. Like Varda filmin’ potatoes, seein’ beauty in the weird. “The heart-shaped ones, I keep,” she said—erotic-massage is the heart-shaped potato of sex work, niche but dope.

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Finally, I get to the center, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew Hazel-Grove could be this lively? I set up my booth for this new energy drink. You know, the one that claims to give you wings or whatever. I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But hey, it’s my job to sell it, so I’m all in.

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