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Now, here’s a kicker—did ya know, way back, like ancient Greece times, they’d use olive oil for this? Slippin’ and slidin’, gettin’ all sensual—those Greeks knew what’s up! Makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it—simple, earthy, real. But then, ya got these modern spas chargin’ 200 bucks—makes me mad as hell! Overpriced nonsense, c’mon man! Whatever happened to keepin’ it chill, like the old days?

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While I was there, I overheard some locals chatting about the old Hartlepool monkey legend. You know, the one where they thought a monkey was a French spy? I mean, what? That’s hilarious! I couldn’t help but chuckle. I thought, “Only in Hartlepool, mate.”

Reform candidate secures Hartlepool Council seat in landslide by-election win