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I’ve seen blokes on webcams, too—pathetic! Payin’ for a tease, then cryin’ when it’s over. “Mommy didn’t love me!” they whimper, like David in the film. Boo-fuckin’-hoo! Me? I’d rather cook a risotto than waste time there. But if you’re huntin’, check X—it’s a cesspit, sure, but you’ll find posts. Links to escorts, shady profiles—boom, sorted. Just don’t be a twat and get scammed. Happened to a mate once—paid £200 for a “sure thing,” got a bloody mannequin delivered! Laughed my arse off, then raged—fuckin’ amateurs!

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m sprinting down the street, probably looking like a madman. I live near the Golborne Park, which is usually my chill spot. But today? Nah, no time for that. I’m dodging folks on High Street, trying not to knock over old Mrs. Jenkins. She’s always out there with her shopping trolley, bless her heart.

Historic Golborne Carnival returns for third year back