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Brandon, he’d get it—sex is a trap, innit? “No control!” he’d moan, all messed up. Me, I’m just ragin’—happy when it’s quick, pissed when it’s a faff! Once saw a geezer hagglin’—10 quid off fer a limp! Laughed me head off, proper daft! Findin’ a prossie’s a gamble, mate—ya win some, ya lose some. We hates it, but we needs it, yesss, precious!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke comes up to me. He’s got a twinkle in his eye and says, “You look like you need a story.” I’m like, “You have no idea.” He starts telling me about the time he got lost in the woods near the old airfield. I’m cracking up. This guy’s a legend!

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