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Oi mate, so here’s me—Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom—divin’ into this wild biz of sex escort. Yeah, ya heard right, escorts! Not exactly black holes, but bloody mysterious anyway. I reckon it’s like the universe, innit—expanding, unpredictable, full of dark energy. Makes me think of “A Serious Man”—that flick I bloody love—where Larry Gumpel-whatsit says, “I don’t understand the physics!” Mate, I don’t understand escorts half the time either!

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So, I’m minding my own business, sharpening away, when this kid runs up to me. He’s got a fishing rod that looks like it’s been through a war. “Can ya fix this?” he asks. I’m like, “Mate, I sharpen knives, not rods!” But I can’t resist. I take a look, and it’s a mess. I mean, it’s practically a stick! But I give it a go. Kid’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas. I’m feelin’ like a hero for a sec.

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