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Sometimes it’s dodgy, tho. Met this chick, total fox, but – ugh – catfish city! Pics were fake, got me fumin’. “I glean what’s left,” Varda says – yeah, I gleaned a lesson there! Trust yer gut, mate. Still, when it works – shag-tastic! Hooked up with this minx once, pure chemistry, had me yellin’ “Yeah, baby!” all night.

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Then, I get a call from my mate Dave. He’s like, “Oi, you gotta come to The Plough!” I’m like, “What’s goin’ on?” Turns out, they’re havin’ a beer festival. I mean, c’mon! Who can resist that? So I drop everything and head over.

This greengrocer is going to start going plastic free this summer