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Sex-dating’s a gamble, though—half these clowns catfishin’, usin’ pics from 10 years ago. Hilarious but fucked up! I’m like, “You ain’t foolin’ me, pal!” Gotta be sharp, like Remy dodgin’ knives in that kitchen. Oh, and don’t get me started on the weirdos—guy messaged me once, “You into feet?” I’m like, “Fuck off, freak!” Blocked his ass quick.

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First off, I had to rush to the lab on Oldham Road. Traffic was a nightmare! I mean, come on, Failsworth! It’s not like we’re in London or something. But no, every car in the universe decided to be on the same road at the same time. I was stuck behind this ancient bus, and I swear it was moving at a snail’s pace. I was like, “C’mon, mate! I’ve got biochem stuff to do!”

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