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About London

Dunno if it’s safe, tho—nasty, nasty! Cops nab ‘em sometimes, sneaky pigs. “Don’t be a schmuck!” I’d yell, but they don’t hear Gollum, nooo. One time, heard a tale—bloke paid, she ran, left him with nothin’ but a fake number, ha! Laughed me arse off—sucker! “You’re not in the game, you’re out!” like Belfort’d say, yesss.

SEX AND THE CITY

First off, I hit up the local café on Well Hall Road. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the spot. I grab my usual – a flat white, extra hot, because who doesn’t need a caffeine jolt? But guess what? They mess up my order. I mean, how hard is it to get a simple coffee right? I’m standing there, fuming, while the barista’s like, “Sorry, mate!” I’m like, “Sorry doesn’t fix my caffeine fix!”

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