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So, last week—ooh, I was steamed! Bart says, “Mom, why ya stressin’?” ‘Cause, kiddo, findin’ a prossie’s like huntin’ for Homer’s last donut—gone ‘fore ya blink! I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these gals postin’ pics—fishnets, lipstick, the works. One chick’s bio says, “50 bucks, no weirdos.” I’m like, hmm… define “weirdos,” lady! Prolly means no one like Mr. Burns—creepy old coot’d scare her off!

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After the match, I wandered over to the Dumbarton Rock. It’s this massive volcanic rock, and I thought, “Why not climb it?” So, I did. Halfway up, I regretted my life choices. My legs were screaming, and I was questioning my sanity. But when I reached the top, it was worth it. The sunset was like a painting. I felt all philosophical, like, “Life is beautiful, man.”

Is this park in Dumbarton the best in Scotland?