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I spot this bird—legs for days, winkin’ at me. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—accountant life didn’t prep me for this! “Are you as close as you appear?” I mutter, quotin’ *Her*, all poetic-like. She laughs, says, “50 quid, love.” Bargain, yeah? But then—bam!—cop car rolls by. Nearly shat my flares! Had to play it cool, like, “Just chattin’ taxes, officer!” Dodged that bullet, groovy!

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So, I take a deep breath and dive back into the crowd. I’m chatting with this lovely lady from Bath, and she’s telling me about her dog. I’m all ears, nodding along, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids playing football. They’ve knocked over a stall! I’m like, “Oh great, just what I needed!”

Town centre charity shop emptied after shutting down