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Now, here’s a tidbit ye won’t find in yer captain’s log—did ye know sex-dating’s got history? Back in ol’ Rome, they’d scribble naughty invites on walls, like “Meet me at the baths, bring wine.” True story, dug up by some dusty scholar! Makes me apps look tame, eh? An’ get this—X says 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Blimey, that’s a lotta shaggin’ from a screen!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, right? He’s chasing a dog, and the dog’s like, “See ya!” It zooms past me, and I spill tea all over the table. The ladies gasped. I was mortified! But then the kid stops, looks at me, and says, “You’re like a ninja!” I couldn’t help but laugh.

Community celebrates transformation of Culcheth Library gardens