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Now, check this—me fave flick’s *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, yeah? Deep shit, fam! That line, “Ghosts ain’t just in da jungle, they’s in ya head,” proper fits sex-dating. You’re chattin’ some fit bird or bloke online, but half da time, they ghost ya—poof, gone! Like, is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos they’s playin’ games, innit. Makes me vexed, bruv, proper fumin’ when they flake after talkin’ dirty all night.

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The park was actually nice. The sun was shinin’, kids were playin’, and I even saw a couple of ducks waddlin’ around. Made me smile, ya know? But then, I spotted this old bloke on a bench, feedin’ the ducks. He looked like he was havin’ the time of his life. I thought, “Man, I need to chill like that.”

The famous Cheshire theatre of food has moved to a new setting