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Sex-dating’s a gamble, odds suck sometimes. You think, “She’s hot,” then—catfish, uggh. Or dude’s profile—6’2, reality—5’8, pathetic. Happy when it works, tho—quick bang, no strings. Surprised me once—girl quoted Cronenberg mid-fuck, “You’re the best, Joey.” Brain melted, hot as hell.
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Then, I decide to check out the Cockington Village Green. It’s so lush and green, perfect for a picnic. I plop down on the grass, and just as I’m about to munch on my sandwich, a squirrel comes outta nowhere and tries to steal it! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” But the little guy’s relentless. I end up sharing my lunch with a squirrel. What’s my life?
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