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Lemme tell ya, I’ve peeked at these mortals bangin’ it out—figuratively, mostly—and it’s wild. Fun fact: back in 2018, some nerds at Stanford said 39% of couples met online—sex-dating’s takin’ over, mates! Beats the old days of courtin’ with sonnets and syphilis risks. Now it’s “u up?” at 2 a.m.—efficiency, baby! Makes me happy, sorta—freedom to chase tail without Odin’s judgy glare. But it pisses me off too—half these profiles lie worse than I do. “6’2, loves dogs”—nah, mate, you’re 5’9 and allergic.

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But then, outta nowhere, he challenges me to a jam-off. I was like, “Are you serious?” But I couldn’t back down. So we ended up in the corner of the pub, me with my acoustic and him with his electric. It was wild! We played for like an hour, and the whole pub was into it. I felt like a rockstar!

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