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Sometimes, she’d nick me fags, cheeky mare. “You’re my sunshine,” I’d tease, all soppy. She’d scoff, “Piss off, you old git!” Proper banter, that. But once, right, saw her cryin’—bloke roughed her up. Broke me heart, it did. “I’d erase him,” I said, “like Jim Carrey did.” She hugged me, snot and all—messy, human, real.

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Only six men were arrested for soliciting prostitutes, commonly known as kerb-crawling, over the same period. Up to six months went by without a single arrest.

After that, I decided to stroll down to the canal. The views there are stunning, especially on a sunny day. I was just soaking it all in, thinking about my game’s storyline. But then, I saw this group of kids playing by the water. They were throwing stones, and I was like, “Dude, be careful!” But of course, one of them slips and falls right in. I gasped, but then he pops up, laughing like a maniac. Kids are wild, man.

Lancashire holiday accommodation group swoops to acquire Carnforth site