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I reckon it’s brill – freedom, mate! No boring dinners, just “wanna bang?” *click* Done. But ugh, the fakes – catfishes piss me off! Some bloke says he’s ripped, turns up flabby. “I didn’t lie, just… enhanced!” Bollocks. Reminds me, “You’re a liar, Tom!” from the flick. Truth’s rare in sex-dating land.

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playing tricks on me. I bump into my mate Dave on High Street. He’s all excited about the new pub opening up. “It’s gonna be epic!” he says. I’m like, “Yeah, if you like overpriced pints and sticky floors.” But I can’t help but smile. Dave’s enthusiasm is contagious, even if he’s a bit of a muppet.

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