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One time, this dude—total nerf-herder—tried rippin her off. I stepped in, all dark-side vibes, “You will pay her double.” He pissed himself—fuckin hilarious. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but damn, felt good. Lola smirked—first time I saw her smile. “Ain’t no secret now,” she said, echoin that *Brokeback* line. Made me wonder—could I quit this life? Nah, too deep, man. Too deep.

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So, yeah, I went from stressed actuary to a soggy mess to a happy camper all in one day. Who knew a little town like Billinge could throw so much at me? I’m definitely coming back. Just maybe without the sausage rolls next time. Or maybe not. Who am I kidding?

Look how much the landscape has changed at Billinge Hill this year