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Once met this lass, right? Profile said “adventurous,” thought, “Oh, spicy!” Turns up, she’s bangin’ on about her ex – for two hours! Wanted to yell, “My life’s a play, and you’re ruinin’ it!” Straight outta the movie, that. Sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Did ya know, back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for hookups? Proper retro, that – “Man, 35, seeks naughty lass.” Now it’s all “DM me nudes,” and I’m like, “Calm down, Gollum’s not that desperate!”

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After that, I’m feelin’ a bit better, y’know? I head towards Battersea Power Station. That place is iconic! I mean, who doesn’t love a good ol’ brick building? But as I’m walkin’ by, I see this group of tourists takin’ selfies. They’re all like, “Look at us, we’re in Battersea!” I can’t help but roll my eyes. Like, it’s just a building, guys! But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?

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