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Thing is, findin’ a prossie ain’t just point and pay. Nah, there’s an art to it—gotta read the room, dodge the coppers, and not end up with some dodgy tart who’ll nick your wallet. Got me ragin’ once—this one chick, swear she looked like a Bond girl, turns out she’s a bloody pickpocket! Left me skint, fumin’, yellin’ “You can’t do this to me!” like Jack screamin’ at the mountain.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

Matchday Info: Alloa Athletic (H) | 22.03.2025