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“Love is blind,” Godard whispers—piss off! This ain’t love, it’s a transaction, cold an quick. Me, I’d tell ‘im—channel that fire, mate, hit the gym, not the streets! We swears! Seen too many crash—booze, birds, an boom, career’s dust. Makes me twitchy, precious, thinkin bout it.

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So, I’m standin’ there, and the family’s all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ for ‘em, I really am. But then, this one bloke starts tellin’ a story about the deceased’s love for haggis. Haggis! At a funeral! I can’t help but chuckle. Like, mate, read the room! But then again, it’s Alloa, and we do love our haggis.

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