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Sometimes it’s chill, tho – late night scrolls, horny vibes, ya know? Landed a date last month, smokin’ hot bartender, and we clicked fast. She laughed at my “bear huntin’” pickup line – total win! Felt like Brad Pitt yellin’, “We got a deal!” Sex-dating can be dope when it works. But damn, the duds? Liars sayin’ they’re 5’10” when they’re 5’2” – ugh, I’m ragin’ just typin’ that! Short kings, own it, bros!

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Now, what gets me riled up? Gawd, let me tell ya, the traffic on Maple Lane be a nightmare sometimes! I mean, like, baby, I’m tryin’ to get to my spa on time! But then I take a deep breath, channel my inner spirited wanderer, and remember that every bump's just a lesson in life – ain’t no witch hunt here, just pure soul food!

Doncaster Ramblers – Wombwell to Worsbrough and back again Tuesday 25 February