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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this chick, Whore, she’s somethin else! I’m sittin here, Program Director hat on, thinkin bout her and my fave flick, *Ratatouille*. Ya know, “Anyone can cook,” right? Well, Whore’s like that—anyone can be her, if ya get my drift. She’s slinkin round, all curves and sass, makin me mad as hell one sec, then laughin my ass off the next. Like, who does she think she is, struttin like she owns the joint?

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Oh, silly me, let me count my typos: there’s like, um, for example—“fabulllous,” “streeet,” “chnaps,” “quikcly,” “marvellouss,” “trulyy,” “tremendouos,” “babee,” “relaxxed,” “awesum,” “knotty,” “vibbing,” “energey,” “chillaxin,” “lulz,” “moringe,” “ramblling,” “fancies,” and oh gosh, “quirrky.” All those errors just add to the charm, ain’t it? hee hee!

Glasgow Walk of Hope returns next week to remember loved ones lost to suicide