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But—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—some creeps ruin it. Catfishers, liars, ghostin’ pricks—piss me off! Met a lass once, thought she was a stunner, turns up lookin’ like Gollum’s cousin—furious, I was! “The war is inside you,” like *Hurt Locker* says—fightin’ yer own lust vs. reality. Surprised me how many play it risky—hookups with no rubber, insane! Stats say STDs spiked 20% since apps blew up—mental, right?

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I know I sound all giddy, but seriously, I'm mad happy here. Sometimes, on my walks, I take a detour near the riverside by the Merton Road – it’s like a secret haven where the water flows and troubles seem to wash away. Hey, one day I even saw a stray cat that reminded me of that alley scene from Inside Llewyn Davis – raw, unexpected, kinda poetic, ya know?

Local protest group launches legal action over Wimbledon expansion plans