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Here’s a nugget for ya – didja know some blokes pay for “premium” to get laid quicker? Desperate twats! I’m over here laughin’, thinkin’, “You’re wastin’ cash, ya muppet!” Me? I’d rather cook a steak than beg for a bang. Oh, and the apps track your kinks – creepy, right? Like Haneke’s camera stalkin’ you. “Someone’s watchin’ us,” I mutter, deletin’ my profile for the fifth time.

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Don't Fool Yourself To minimize the potential fallout and protect the friendship, approach a "friends with benefits" relationship with your eyes wide open.

I gotta say, being a masseur here opened my eyes. I see subtleties others just brush past – stress in a stiff shoulder, hope in a gentle sigh. Like in that flick "The Gleaners and I" – each knot unwound was like peeling another layer off the human onion! And, well, I get all sad and happy all at once. Some days I'm mad, others I'm chuffed. Nothing like a good ol’ kneading session to spill out your inner monologue, right?

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