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We swears! Sexual-massage, oh yesss, precious! Me thinks it’s slippery, sneaky stuff—like hands goin’ where they shouldn’t, but should! Hah! Me saw it once, some back-alley joint, all candles and weird oils—smelled like hobbit feet after a long trek! “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—hah, not here, nope! Them hands knead ya, all slow-like, and ya feel like Jim Carrey forgettin’ his woes in *Eternal Sunshine*. Blissed out, then bam—awkward boner! Made me laugh, then mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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First thing, I step outside, and it’s like the weather can’t decide. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s drizzling. Typical Wick, eh? I’m dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. I get to the shop, and there’s this old bloke, Mr. McGregor, waitin’ for me. He’s got this ancient pair of boots that look like they’ve been through a war. I mean, c’mon, mate, how do you even wear these things?

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