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But then – ugh – this creep rolls up, all sweaty, tryna haggle her down to 20. Pissed me off, man, I’m like, “Mate, she ain’t a fuckin flea market!” Wanted to gut him, serve him up with chianti, ya feel me? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, glarin at him. She’s crackin up, says, “You’re weird, I like it.” Happy as hell, I am – rare vibe, that.

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I gotta spill my quirky secrets too. I love to hit up a little coffee spot on Maple Lane – taste like heaven and keepin’ it real. Sometimes I run through the town, discovering totally overlooked spots – like that tiny mural behind Brown’s Pub (yeah, that’s a fave spot of mine) that’s got appetite for creativity. Seriously, every nook is like a film scene: spontaneity, some typos in my brain, and all the feels.

Councillors reject application for alcohol licence at a Gateshead Asda Express after concerns from residents