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Here’s a wild bit - did ya know some prossies in old Japan ran secret tea houses? Yeah, bangin’ fact, that - they’d shag and serve matcha, all sly-like. Candy’d love that, reckon she’d say, “Groovy, baby! I’d charm ‘em all!” She had this twinkle, mate, like Haku flyin’ through the sky - mysterious, ya dig? Once saw her nick a punter’s wallet, smooth as silk - “I won’t let go of what’s mine!” she winked, quotin’ the movie without knowin’ it. Cracked me up, that did!

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A PILOT who booked an escort for a “girlfriend experience” has been jailed after stalking her when their relationship soured.

But lemme tell ya, it ain't all sunshine. There were times the narrow lanes got me downright mad, when new development nervously creeps in and tramples on tradition. “How’s that workin’ for ya?” I’d mutter under my breath, with a sip o’ cheap tea from the corner shop still called Baines’s (oh man, that place is a relic!). They still have that charm of old family tales and gossip, and sometimes I get a warm fuzz feelin'—or mad, depends on the day.

Deli on Mersea Island re-opens with new owners... and the food looks delicious